There was an error in this gadget

Monday, December 14, 2009

Under House Arrest

So it’s wet, it’s all wet. And while managing Pumping Station 12 of the Water Energy Transfer and Hydraulic Systems Operations Center (WET-HYSOC), I have been for two weeks and am under house arrest. I’ve company coming and after the rain Sunday, I can work only 20 minutes before running down to turn on the pump. During Sunday’s monsoon, I was watching some old westerns because I pretty much knew what was going to happen and could run down to turn the UtiliPump on whenever. But, I got to thinking that my watching westerns most Saturday mornings from age 8 to age 13 is pretty much what has ruined my outlook on life.

You know- whitehat, vs. blackhats= whitehat wins after the girl with the real pointy breasts loses faith in the whitehat, is duped by the blackhats, but figures how dumb she really is and fixes the situation. So at the end, she rides off into the sunset with the whitehat, her bullets pressing into his back. Oh boy, what I had coming in psych-socio-logical angst when I discovered that, in whatever the real world is, the whitehats seldom win and that those breast ain’t, well, naturally pointed.

As I listened though I began to notice that a whole bunch of what the cowboys were saying had some pretty darn good applications today. So for your fun and entertainment, I made a list of poignant dialogs and give it to you here. At the end just for fun, I listed a whole bunch of folks who probably are not whitehats, and you can sort of match them by figuring who might have said the line or had the line said about them. This sure ain’t copywrit or nothing’, so go ahead and print it off so’s you can get the correct cowboy next to the appropriate remark.

I can tell you’re from Nevada cause of your lack ofmanners.
Posses a comin’!
Little double crosser
Rest of ya scatter, now!
Now, remember don’t shoot until I shoot.
Who’s in charge here?
Were trapped-spread out!
What if he don’t turn tail?
Don’t turn around; he’s got a gun!
You dealt me in; I didn’t ask for this.
Why should I save your neck?
You’d better git ta praying iffin you know how.
Nice work at the bank.
Darndest thing I ever seen-shot his own deputy.
You must have some other means of identification.
Search him.
Search me.
I ain’t a fixin to take no bullet for him.
He’s asking for it.
Come on, git up to that there trough.
Because he’s stuck on that there pretty little filly.

The gold he stole and hid ’for they send him ta jail.

Now, the contestants:

Tiger Woods --- Elin Woods
Jamie Jungers (just love her name)--- Sarah Palin
Barack Obama --- John Thain
Barney Frank --- John Boehner
Nancy Pelosi --- Harry Reid
Ronald Regan --- Bill Clinton
Janet Napolitano --- Scooter Libby
Dick Cheney --- Rev. Jeremiah Wright
Rick Warren --- Hank Paulson
Stanley McChrystal --- Robert Gibbs
George W Bush --- Bernie Madoff

OK, podnahs, this ain’t hydraulic science. In fact is like a Wor-Wic honors’ program-everyone gets an A. But I am listing a winner next week, so print your answer out on a 100 Reais note and mail ‘em on in. And try TCM for westerns, beats the horse biscuits right out of putting up with ads like Emery Cat, the Mucus family, the Colon Lady, Tired of Socks that Aren’t Shaped to Fit My Feet, Crash Tests Videos, and the Suckometer.

No comments:

Quotation of the Day

This Day in History