Friday, March 5, 2010

Goofy Old World per The Fuzz

I do so enjoy my writing; it helps fend off, a bit, my intermittent fear of brain-rot; there’s not much up there, and the least little decay would leave me with less than enough to locate the post office. So, today, I was sitting at the computer trying to decide it f I wanted to read another Matt Taibbi article in Rolling Stone or go to work on home-improvements. As she is lately fond of doing, Fuzz was in my lap with both front paws in the crotch of my left arm, head nestled between them; I was enjoying her and could feel my blood pressure lowering by the minute when from nowhere I got slammed with another of her psychic signals. It has been a while; she does not waste time on me much as I am too mundane. But, I record here as proof positive that dogs not only communicate with us but do so in an affirmative manner when they do.

Dude, will you pulllease get the darn painting and trim done; I am tired of trying to lick this colonial blue paint out of my fur. It tastes so British sort of like blood pudding or some such tripe. Finish one of your projects for once in your life without starting another. And do not even think about blaming the miter saw on your poor joinery; face it you are a wood butcher.

OK, what’s with your letting that nasty, yellow cat live in the barn? Are you spending 40 spoozillion dollars on bird feed just to fatten the juncos for that furtive feline? Ick, shoot the cat, trap the cat, drop a 2 x 6 on its head; just get rid of it, When that sucker sits 15 yards from me, sunning on the junk pile in our back yard, I am in a constant bark-mode and my throat is sore. Cats, jeeeeeeezsh.

What’s going on with your goofy government? It’s been over a year since nearly every literate American has figured that those seductive credit default swaps(bets against people defaulting on a credit device like a mortgage-sort of an insurance, hence AIG's heavy load on you) are by in large the reason for the collapse of your “free market” economy. But your dopey financial “institutions” are still trading them like kids with Pok√©mon chips. And now there are even CDS for betting on countries. So, here’s Greece, ruined by over exposure in credit default swaps gone bad, and she can’t get a loan because other countries, Germany in particular, won’t give them any money if speculators who have taken out positions on the success or failure of country will profit. Some dude or another was quoted this morning that Greece was not going to get one German cent if Wall Street types were going to profit. Dang that’s pretty rough on the Greeks, ruined by CDSs and now CDSs are preventing them from getting loans. Here’s what’s really going on with your goofy government: in addition to being naked in the same steam room with all the CEOs of the likes of Goldman, Wells Fargo, and AIG, the pillars of government know CDSs are the only profitable deal going right now for investment banks. And if the banks didn’t have these Las Vegas-type investments to make quick bucks, then they would have to disclose that their portfolios are still crammed with bad mortgage backed securities, credit default swaps, bad credit card-debts, and huge tracts of commercial real estate which are not producing income. If the House of Wealth had to fully disclose their true balance sheets there would be another collapse; therefore, the government is dragging its Brobdingnagian feet because it does not want to clean up the financial markets.

Look, my dear socialist dreamer, bad for you equals good for politicians; you can also bet your last farthing that the more bankers scream about a regulation, the higher the whine, the better it will be for you if that regulation goes into place. But it ain’t going to happen. People will be eating Kibble and Bits and ProPlan before that happens; then my poor communist, you will see free market in effect-you will not longer be able to afford to feed me, unless it is cat-meat.

Yes, love, republicans are idiots: anytime that 100 percent of any group agrees 100 percent of the time on 100 percent of anything it considers the odds are screwed or the group is a bunch of lockstep-demagogues.

Yes, my demented owner, democrats are maroons too; they no longer understand the “common man” ; in fact they could care less about common men.

Finally, if republicans and democrats had a lick of sense they would know that you got to pay for what you use: sending out stimulus checks, no matter how much the goobers at The Ranch love them decreases revenue, increases deficit; cutting taxes decreases revenue, increases deficit; running wars in two countries while boosting the expense with presidential supplements without a tax for security decrease revenues, increases deficit. Hey, if Ronald Reagan was such a genius why don’t you guys go back to the income tax-rates during his reign (he had two tax increases while in office, right)? And, that entire trickle down crap is just that, bullshit. Look, there is no place for it to trickle down-all the new business is overseas; so, if you feel a trickle, dude, check your Depends.

No, I will not quit rolling on dead rotten toads; the rolling makes me smell so nice, Eau de Froggie. Besides, I do not stink as badly as any politician in Sussex County.

Dude, if you do not get me to the beauty parlor soon I am going to puke ham bone chips right in the middle of your favorite Navajo blanket. Tina, the groomer, is the bomb, plus I am sick of all these knots in my fuzz. A trim or a puke; you decide.

Finally, thanks for letting moi lie up here this morning; I needed a hug.