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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Guy’s Golf Game Is in the Balance

OK everyone is chipping in on Tiger; so, here is my interpretation of what this means.

Nothing then everything.

I have never been a fan of Tiger and while it may not be totally original, I have very often referred to him as the guy who brought basketball to golf. All the crap about golf being the game of gentlemen and the most honest game in sport and thus the fairest simply went in the hazards when Woods came along. But I could never rally an admiration for him for several reasons.

First, compared to many guys who struggle in sports to make a buck (and I do not have a ton sympathy for them) Tiger has had every advantage and that is OK, nearly. He had a doting father, a promoter supreme, a country club Joe Jackson, muted, yes but a promoter nonetheless. He has a vicious witch for a mom, imagine telling your 8 year old that when you have your opponent down stomp on his throat. But one can’t dislike a dude because of how his mom and pops are. Consider instead the last day of his last amateur win at Pumpkin Ridge. Steve Scott took the championship to thirty-eight holes before losing to Woods. Scott was ahead at the end of the first eighteen holes and at the break, Tiger consulted with his swing coach, his dad, his putting coach, and with his caddy. Scott, an amateur, had a quiet sandwich with his girlfriend who was also his caddy for the tournament. OK, so one guy has the dough to afford to win and that is the American way and the way of golf, for in the past 30 years only Trevino became a champion by coming up through the driving ranges, public links, and hustling tournaments around the South. Most established American champions since Palmer have either family in professional golf or mom and pops had the do-re-mi to be hustle junior off to the sweetest country clubs and the most intense lessons from the best teachers. No big deal to me, life ain’t fair, but golf manners are supposed to supersede advantage. The expectation of golf champions has always been that they show respect for their opponents. However, in his last amateur win (a link for you to look is below), Tiger does not have the dignity to first congratulate his opponent. The first in his arms was his mom for an abbreviated hug, the opponent’s throat being well-collapsed. The second embrace was from dad whose hug went on while tears flowed. Then a firm handshake and pat on the back for his caddie. In the meantime, awkwardly and I think embarrassingly, Scott had to wander around the green waiting for Tiger to disentangle himself from his entourage. What a shame. Had I been Scott, I would have wanted the handshake and the national interview to be over quickly. It ain’t fun to lose especially a big one. Hell, since I am not known for being politically correct, I probably would have walked off. So, I got a problem with Tiger because he does not have manners. He has never shown manners or respect for his opponent on a course; his gyrations, fist pumps, racing to balls with finger extended are basketball bull-shit that normally are not the culture of golf.

Also, I didn’t care a bit for Tiger’s attitude about and histrionics over his winning the Masters. He made a big deal about how former black golfers did not have the chance to win a Masters because golf and Augusta National had been an exclusive white-folks tournament and club. Of, course Augusta National was real quick to hustle up one black member when it became apparent the there was no way these rich old dudes running things down there were going to avoid Tiger Woods. SO? So, first Tiger ain’t black in the first place. He is Thai-American, fifty percent, Native American, twenty-five percent, and African- American, twenty-five percent. He is either Thai-American or just plain American as far as I am concerned and always will be. But there is not giant market, I guess, in Thai American golfers, no news, no bucks. I guess a guy can tag himself anything he wants? But another problem jumped into my face: at the same time Woods was bemoaning, rightly, the racist history of The Masters, there were no women allowed in that country club, none, zip, nada. When Tiger was approached about the inequity for women there in the magnolia-lined drive, he took the gutless route and refused to comment. I got a real problem with a guy who ain’t black, hitting the bricks for black golfers but taking the coward’s path when questioned about unfair treatment of women at Augusta. I still believe that the best questions of all for Woods would have been, “Hey, Tiger, whataya think about dis place not havin no Thai-American golfers? Don’t you want to see some folks of Thai heritage beaten’ the ball around here?” I sure would have loved to see him answer that one.

Now what to do? Does anyone in the world with even primitive media not know Tiger has boinked 9 or 12 hot women, waitresses, escorts, cart girls, and a few women, I guess, that are sort of passed around by all the top jocks in the country? And hey, just imagine your hitting a tree and a hydrant in your neighborhood and telling the state police that you didn’t want to talk then and to just check back in five days or so? Oh, well, you would probably be driving an 86 Toyota pickup and not a ginormous, black Escalade and, therefore, would deserve to be drug off to jail. Gotta have an Escalade. So, all the news now is he addicted to sex, like who isn’t if they got the bucks to get all they want from all over, you know break up the monotony of sleeping with a huge, blond model. The other news and “in” word is the question of his “branding.” Endless idiots assault cable news everyday pontificating about whether Tiger’s screwing around on the mother of his two kids is going to hurt sales and his pocket book. Hey, Tiger wanted a huge blond model and from the looks of the info on the pre-nup and the offers out there for her to stay with The Man, he bought one,sort of like folks going to buy a brood mare. That didn’t hurt his “brand.” Branding disasters, Tiger’s problems, the fall from grace, yuk some hate the situation; some defend it. It won’t affect me one dimple because I wasn’t buying any of the junk with his name on it in the first place.

But I am anxious to see if he wins The Masters. If he does, oh wow, forget the teachers like Leadbetter, Harmon, and Haney. These guys will go broke and a cottage industry will spring up and help the economy and golfers. Obviously, if he wins, having multiple sex-partners will roll in as the best way to fix a golf swing. Hot damn, go Tiger! YoudaMan!

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